I am noticing something about something, here in NYC. Maybe its not just NYC. But because I live here half of the time, and now with the whole breast cancer thing, I am kind of stuck here for now, I think it must have something to do with the energy of the place.
Its called the "Hi, How are you doing" syndrome, usually written over text message, but sometimes in conversation. As I am writing this two people just IM'd me to say exactly those words -"Hi, how are you doing?" Don't get me wrong, we live in modern times and these are our tools, and hey, I for sure do it to, sometimes just wanting the person to know, I am thinking about them. I guess now that I am going thru something so personal, core wrenching and humbling I am beginning to notice even more, when people are really communicating with you or just talking some words at you that they think pass for human interaction. Because our lives are so busy here, and our attention is pulled in so many directions, I guess I shouldn't like, get "mad" about it. I mean everyone is doing the best they can, I suppose. But some days I start to feel like Holden Caulfield and begin to understand why Salinger lived a life of seclusion. (If you don't know who Holden Caulfiend is or JD Salinger, highly recommend going to the local book store and picking up a copy of "Catcher in the Rye" by Salinger.) I usually tend to lean on the side of romanticism with people, finding the good, the positive, the happy, but then, they go and do something so insensitive, and I realize, actually, people are more caught up in this zoom zoom, pay the bills, get the clients, look hot, remember to smile for the pictures on facebook, let me find out what this person does and how they can help me, than I have realized. Sorry if this posting sounds like I have a chip on my shoulder, but frankly, I think life could be lived just about ten steps deeper, and if our lives are so busy we can't fully be present with people, why are we doing all the things we think are so important? If each other is not at the top of the list, what is?
I notice, especially in New York, when you ask people "How are you doing?" they immediately tell you all the things they are DOING...."Well I am now working with this client and we just bought this and now I have this project and soon we are going be opening this"....but that's not what I asked. The question wasn't "WHAT are you doing", the question is "HOW are you doing?". What is going on in your heart, in your soul, in your experience of life, how is your human journey going? I mean its cool you are doing all these cool things, but as we know doing cool things doesn't mean much about the soul or the heart, I mean not really. Sometimes people are asking me how I am doing and maybe I am giving too much information about my process, I mean, I am thinking and feeling into alot of strange things. Whether the doctors really need to cut into my abdomen to make me a new breast, whether loosing my hair is going to affect my sense of being a woman, will a man ever fall in love with me now that I have been "plagued" by cancer, whether I will be able to have children, why is this happening to me when I have lived so healthfully and am so young,
And WHY? WHY? do people think it is okay to tell me their opinion of what I did "wrong" to "get" cancer. Its like people have to have a reason in their minds that I have this so they feel better that they won't get it. Is there a reason why I shaved my legs today and found a bruise on my leg? Should I go process my feelings related to not walking my child hood dog more often and picking on my little brother? As if cancer is punishment and I "deserve" it. What if this cancer is the answer to my prayers and the gate to my freedom, opening a path of service and joy for humanity? What if its just a random weird thing, that my body has to pass thru to absolve some karma from some past life? What if this is in God's perfect plan for reasons that without it, I would never ever know. What if actually I am luckier than most people who never get it, because it will make me a deeper, kinder, more grateful human being?
But mostly, I am seeing that life is so exceptionally beautiful, so exquisitely perfect and humanity is still only living at a percentage of their possibility, only skimming the surface of what kind of life on planet earth we really could be creating. Instead of wasting all these resources, making money our god, and seeking power and prestige like hungry homeless people, we could be living closer to the pulse of our mother (earth), sharing our resources which we don't "own", with each other and creating a society based on acceptance and love rather than competition and domination. And if you think I am being extreme here, I am, but each and everybody can fall into whispers of these extremes in their human individual lives. Myself included. Its the pulse of our "modern" world, which is still very primal. We just have fancier gadgets.
Yes, I know it is getting better and there is this surge of human consciousness and everyone is really DOING THE BEST THEY CAN, but ya know what? I think we can do even better. Myself included. I think being honestly able to answer the question "How are you doing" when you meet another human is a damn good start.
Its called the "Hi, How are you doing" syndrome, usually written over text message, but sometimes in conversation. As I am writing this two people just IM'd me to say exactly those words -"Hi, how are you doing?" Don't get me wrong, we live in modern times and these are our tools, and hey, I for sure do it to, sometimes just wanting the person to know, I am thinking about them. I guess now that I am going thru something so personal, core wrenching and humbling I am beginning to notice even more, when people are really communicating with you or just talking some words at you that they think pass for human interaction. Because our lives are so busy here, and our attention is pulled in so many directions, I guess I shouldn't like, get "mad" about it. I mean everyone is doing the best they can, I suppose. But some days I start to feel like Holden Caulfield and begin to understand why Salinger lived a life of seclusion. (If you don't know who Holden Caulfiend is or JD Salinger, highly recommend going to the local book store and picking up a copy of "Catcher in the Rye" by Salinger.) I usually tend to lean on the side of romanticism with people, finding the good, the positive, the happy, but then, they go and do something so insensitive, and I realize, actually, people are more caught up in this zoom zoom, pay the bills, get the clients, look hot, remember to smile for the pictures on facebook, let me find out what this person does and how they can help me, than I have realized. Sorry if this posting sounds like I have a chip on my shoulder, but frankly, I think life could be lived just about ten steps deeper, and if our lives are so busy we can't fully be present with people, why are we doing all the things we think are so important? If each other is not at the top of the list, what is?
I notice, especially in New York, when you ask people "How are you doing?" they immediately tell you all the things they are DOING...."Well I am now working with this client and we just bought this and now I have this project and soon we are going be opening this"....but that's not what I asked. The question wasn't "WHAT are you doing", the question is "HOW are you doing?". What is going on in your heart, in your soul, in your experience of life, how is your human journey going? I mean its cool you are doing all these cool things, but as we know doing cool things doesn't mean much about the soul or the heart, I mean not really. Sometimes people are asking me how I am doing and maybe I am giving too much information about my process, I mean, I am thinking and feeling into alot of strange things. Whether the doctors really need to cut into my abdomen to make me a new breast, whether loosing my hair is going to affect my sense of being a woman, will a man ever fall in love with me now that I have been "plagued" by cancer, whether I will be able to have children, why is this happening to me when I have lived so healthfully and am so young,
And WHY? WHY? do people think it is okay to tell me their opinion of what I did "wrong" to "get" cancer. Its like people have to have a reason in their minds that I have this so they feel better that they won't get it. Is there a reason why I shaved my legs today and found a bruise on my leg? Should I go process my feelings related to not walking my child hood dog more often and picking on my little brother? As if cancer is punishment and I "deserve" it. What if this cancer is the answer to my prayers and the gate to my freedom, opening a path of service and joy for humanity? What if its just a random weird thing, that my body has to pass thru to absolve some karma from some past life? What if this is in God's perfect plan for reasons that without it, I would never ever know. What if actually I am luckier than most people who never get it, because it will make me a deeper, kinder, more grateful human being?
But mostly, I am seeing that life is so exceptionally beautiful, so exquisitely perfect and humanity is still only living at a percentage of their possibility, only skimming the surface of what kind of life on planet earth we really could be creating. Instead of wasting all these resources, making money our god, and seeking power and prestige like hungry homeless people, we could be living closer to the pulse of our mother (earth), sharing our resources which we don't "own", with each other and creating a society based on acceptance and love rather than competition and domination. And if you think I am being extreme here, I am, but each and everybody can fall into whispers of these extremes in their human individual lives. Myself included. Its the pulse of our "modern" world, which is still very primal. We just have fancier gadgets.
Yes, I know it is getting better and there is this surge of human consciousness and everyone is really DOING THE BEST THEY CAN, but ya know what? I think we can do even better. Myself included. I think being honestly able to answer the question "How are you doing" when you meet another human is a damn good start.
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