Egg Retrievel and NEWS!

I apologize for not writing more....some times the days come and I feel so overwhelmed in trying to remember all the things I need to do, I simply can't find any words. From now on I am going to get up early and write with the fresh light of the morning. I know it is so good for my soul to just get it out. Having cancer is a full time job between research, appointments, figuring out how to pay for it and doing things to support your healing, not to mention all the phone calls and emails of concerned family and friends that want to know how you are doing. Thank god for support. Goddess too:)


Yesterday I went in for the Full Moon Harvest, as I like to call it, the retrievel of my eggs before chemotherapy to protect my chances of conceiving one day with my own eggs. This was a no question procedure for me and it all flowed very easily to find the doctor and the non-profit that could offer me a less expensive procedure. My doctor, Dr. Oktay, just happens to be one of the best in the area so I lucked out. The process was a week of fertility drugs and injections, plus a drug called Femarra, to lower my estrogen, as I have extrogen positive cancer to they have to be careful. These drugs made me senstive and emotional as well as being bloated and a bit spaced out. But it was only for one week. They monitored me 4 times that week on a sonnegram to see how the ovaries were developing. Then, when it reached the right point, they gave me a trigger shot to stimulate the ovaries to release the eggs and I went in for some anesthesia and a 40 minute procedure that extracted the eggs.  I guess I am one "fertile mama" as my friend Jules said, because I got 20 eggs and 19 good ones. Usually women my age get 6-12....so it was a very lucrative operation. At least now I know I have some back up for after chemo if I meet Mr. Right and decide on motherhood. I sure do hope so, all of this has made me realize how much I do want children and family, which is such a gift as I think I convinced myself I would be fine without it. I guess I would be "fine" but in my ideal life, I have kids and grandkids and I am sitting on the porch in a hammock telling stories about when the internet first came out....

The side effects from the retrievel are minimal, but as I have always had intense menstrual cycles, I have quite a bit of cramping and can feel my ovaries with every step I take. I can feel they are sore and need some time to just rest. As I am supposed to start chemotherapy next week, I think I might want to wait a week or two to just give my body some time to recharge, but lets see....Also this chemotherapy business is just so weird, I still don't feel 100% on it, especially once I read all the side effects. Also as I read more and more about cancer and emotions, I get the intuitive feeling that the emotional work is the thing that really is going to heal me. Check out www.alternative-cancer-care.com it is a fantastic site to learn about the emotions behind the cancer in the first place and how it impacts the body...I feel like, chemo is easier than dealing with the deeper emotional causes.  I am thinking of going back to acting class, the one and only place I know of that I feel has helped me to be free in emotions and to really let go. Therapy groups to me have always been hokey and I find I just don't break down the walls with some guy telling me to imagine my mother on the opposite wall and I need to tell her how I feel. Its just...I don't know,....contrived...but maybe thats just my resistance. Give me a juicy script any day to let my imagination take me....


Also, for the chemotherapy I am looking at how to support my system with Mistletoe injections and Avemar supplements, these seem to be really great for the immune system in cancer patients....Now I am doing a TON of supplements from my accupuncturist as well as his herbs, western herbs and so much organic vegetables, juices and superfoods as I can do. But truth be told sometimes I break down and have a bagel, although with tofu cream cheese, or some raw chocolate...but not very often. I do know I need to exercise more and do more yoga, after the surgeries I couldnt really because my left arm was weak and now I am resting from the egg retrievel but after my ovaries rest up I am getting back to the movement therapy which as many of you who know me, know, this is my MAIN medicine. Dance. Dance and more dance, throw in some yoga and massage and we have balance.....I need to cry more though and FORGIVE alot...mainly my parents, ex-boyfriends and myself. Stop witholding these emotions for fear it is "too much" or isn't "nice" or people won't like me and run away. I know this intellectually isn't true, but still, I withold.  Its a learned pattern of stuffing. And I don't want to be a turkey anymore....haha. Onward and forth, to the worlds of artistic and emotional expression, wheat grass and Mistletoe....and laughter the very best medicine....All blessings...