Please read previous post as it is the beginner for this one...otherwise it might make no sense to you and you will think I am a fruit cake writer. Well.
Anyway, what ELSE am I doing? Dancing alot. As much as my body will let me. Doing Yoga as much as feels right. I have recently started taking Belly Dance because I kept getting the intuition that I needed to get more in touch with my Hara, my solar plexus, ya know the ole midrif, belly wise place. And anyway, the chics are hot and the music rocks and all in all, you just get to do things in front of the mirror they told you good girls didnt do. So its my kinda scene. I try to get to the park and nature more often, but I find I get so wrapped up in everything I am doing, I kind of fall out of it sometimes. And then I get antsy like crazy and feel like I am about to hop a plane or else I will start rolling in the dirt like a dog. Except the dirt in NYC has trash and needles in it and I wouldnt let my dog, if I had one, roll around in it. I was hitting the beach a few times which was nice. Out on Long Island...but then I found garbage floating in there too and I got the skivvies. I have been spoiled in Costa Rica....and I am thankful. Plus all the people at the beach, who can relax....I did take a nice walk at sunset but again, had to dodge the trash. Really, who would ever leave trash at the beach and why would I want to live around them?
I try and think positively and not go into the fear box. But it happens. Not so much about cancer, just about life....money.....love,....manifesting dreams.....getting older.....being childless.....2012......looking at the scar on my breast....wondering how God is gonna work all this out into some sort of happy ending fairy tale. Worried if I keep hanging back and expecting God to do everything, it won;t get done because he is waiting for me to do it....miscommunication. Mercury in retrograde kind of situation. But I thought you were gonna do it...No I thought YOU were gonna do it. And then it never gets done. Except I dont think it works like that. I keep trying to remember how it does work and then I realize I still don't know so really, WHAT am I worried about? Then I think about some sort of tatoo that will make my breast scar look hot. But is it good to put ink into the skin where cancer has been. HAS BEEN...Cancer is now a HAS BEEN....Fuck you doctors. Oops I am not supposed to say that....I am supposed to be grateful and feeling blessed by their presence because everything is God. Well then, the fuck you is too. And I am grateful for them. But ya know....they can stay the f*** away from me for now. Somehow I become a ghetto porn star when I start to talk about doctors...they bring it out in me...maybe cause they all seem so white and civil and like they need a good lay. Thats another post.
I try to speak my mind MORE. Its been a bit awkward. I think I burned a few bridges with some folks. But I didn't do it lying....so ...so be it if they are really burned. I feel the Kali in me coming out super strong, burning and slicing with her sword...just the things that are false. It can look negative, but what I really think it is, is just FIRE. And letting go of this idea that I have to be a nice girl all the time. I feel like I wanna get really BAD but then I also realize this may not go over well with certain people. I have to learn this art of the bad girl. Who knew this could be the healing for me....Of course gratitude and humbleness....this is always the teaching. Arrogance and righteousness, I still struggle with am I being arrogant or am I just BEING the fire that is my flavor?. And then I see that anger is not a feminine trait I have been conditioned to accept as being okay. And so I have stuffed it into this breast and look at the mess it got me in. So thank you, I will get angry when it is appropriate and be grateful for its force and fire. Honor the force that is anger...the wild storm of Kali has her place too next to sweet and humble Kuan Yin. I can feel my breasts getting perkier already....
Anyway, what ELSE am I doing? Dancing alot. As much as my body will let me. Doing Yoga as much as feels right. I have recently started taking Belly Dance because I kept getting the intuition that I needed to get more in touch with my Hara, my solar plexus, ya know the ole midrif, belly wise place. And anyway, the chics are hot and the music rocks and all in all, you just get to do things in front of the mirror they told you good girls didnt do. So its my kinda scene. I try to get to the park and nature more often, but I find I get so wrapped up in everything I am doing, I kind of fall out of it sometimes. And then I get antsy like crazy and feel like I am about to hop a plane or else I will start rolling in the dirt like a dog. Except the dirt in NYC has trash and needles in it and I wouldnt let my dog, if I had one, roll around in it. I was hitting the beach a few times which was nice. Out on Long Island...but then I found garbage floating in there too and I got the skivvies. I have been spoiled in Costa Rica....and I am thankful. Plus all the people at the beach, who can relax....I did take a nice walk at sunset but again, had to dodge the trash. Really, who would ever leave trash at the beach and why would I want to live around them?
I try and think positively and not go into the fear box. But it happens. Not so much about cancer, just about life....money.....love,....manifesting dreams.....getting older.....being childless.....2012......looking at the scar on my breast....wondering how God is gonna work all this out into some sort of happy ending fairy tale. Worried if I keep hanging back and expecting God to do everything, it won;t get done because he is waiting for me to do it....miscommunication. Mercury in retrograde kind of situation. But I thought you were gonna do it...No I thought YOU were gonna do it. And then it never gets done. Except I dont think it works like that. I keep trying to remember how it does work and then I realize I still don't know so really, WHAT am I worried about? Then I think about some sort of tatoo that will make my breast scar look hot. But is it good to put ink into the skin where cancer has been. HAS BEEN...Cancer is now a HAS BEEN....Fuck you doctors. Oops I am not supposed to say that....I am supposed to be grateful and feeling blessed by their presence because everything is God. Well then, the fuck you is too. And I am grateful for them. But ya know....they can stay the f*** away from me for now. Somehow I become a ghetto porn star when I start to talk about doctors...they bring it out in me...maybe cause they all seem so white and civil and like they need a good lay. Thats another post.
I try to speak my mind MORE. Its been a bit awkward. I think I burned a few bridges with some folks. But I didn't do it lying....so ...so be it if they are really burned. I feel the Kali in me coming out super strong, burning and slicing with her sword...just the things that are false. It can look negative, but what I really think it is, is just FIRE. And letting go of this idea that I have to be a nice girl all the time. I feel like I wanna get really BAD but then I also realize this may not go over well with certain people. I have to learn this art of the bad girl. Who knew this could be the healing for me....Of course gratitude and humbleness....this is always the teaching. Arrogance and righteousness, I still struggle with am I being arrogant or am I just BEING the fire that is my flavor?. And then I see that anger is not a feminine trait I have been conditioned to accept as being okay. And so I have stuffed it into this breast and look at the mess it got me in. So thank you, I will get angry when it is appropriate and be grateful for its force and fire. Honor the force that is anger...the wild storm of Kali has her place too next to sweet and humble Kuan Yin. I can feel my breasts getting perkier already....
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