So, now that I have gone alternative. Am I alternative? I guess that's what I am. Now that I have gone that way, I am forced to ask the question, yes, but how am I "checking" to see if it's "working"? Well. Good question. Awhile back at the start of this whole journey my lovely little arrogant and brilliant blonde surgeon had ordered me a full Pet Scan. You know the kind where they zoom over your body and check for any "hot spots", if anything lights up, well that could be where more cancer "may" have spread. It's a $5,000 test that insurance somehow managed to get out of paying. Yup folks, even though I had a lump of cancer sitting in my breast, they didn't think that checking the rest of my body was really a priority. And according to some silly cancer criteria made by the national institute of cancer people who wear stiff neck ties, the scan was not considered necessary.
So let me get this correct Stiff Cancer People of my Imagination, you are freaking me out or rather into doing chemotherapy because "God forbid it spreads"(they all say this expression, it must be in the handbook) but you don't want to check to see if it really has? The logic on this one is beyond my meager mind, forgive me. I don't wear neck ties. Even though my doctor ordered it. Hmmm.
Finally after a few months, I thought, damn, you know I would just like to sleep better at night, knowing I did everything I could to make sure that I checked all the possibilities. So I called up my trusty Nurse Denise, who works along side the arrogant and brilliant english surgeon, born and raised in Brooklyn, sweet as pie lady, who I have chatted with very honestly on many occasions. Denise cares. You can feel it. And the brooklyn accent just makes the whole experience even better. Denise, got back to me right away, only to tell me the doctor was on vacation and she had to wait till he got back. Doctors take vacations?
When she did get back to me, she had this to say:: "Would it change your treatment choices? (i.e would you finally just DO the chemotherapy) Because it doesn't make any sense to do the scan dear, because even if you find something, it will be a stage 4 and there would be nothing we could do for you. At that point it would be too far gone. The doctor just wants you to be aware that just because you do the scan it doesn't necessarily give you a clean bill of health. You could do another one in a month and find something, there is just no way of knowing.
So what you are telling me is that I shouldn't do the scan??? I should just sit around and HOPE that it hasn't spread and save my money? Because even if you find something there is nothing you can do so ignorance is rather a nice way out of this mess? "Isn't it better to know" I ask Denise, "I mean if something is there, isn't it advisable that I would know about it at the very least?? Is this new logic in the medical world, or has sticking your head in the sand become the preferred way to treat people....."Dont worry about it, get back to your job and life, best we just let nature run its course. As if a stage 4 is incurable, even if it was what I had, do you not read the countless cases of spontaneous healings, alternative healings with stage 4 and worse? No, I know you don't but I do. So fuck, do I spend $5,000 on a scan that is only going to tell me that I have such an advanced case of cancer the medical world just gives up on you, and which may tell me things are great today but in a month it all could change and I will have to be doing $5,000 scans the rest of my life, severely preventing that much desired trip to Costa Rica, India and Brazil and that tan that NYC has proved impossible to attain.
"Well maybe you just want to do the chemotherapy so you know you really got everything"....This is what is implied....We are happy to order the scan for you, but we want to further scare you that whatever it finds either won't make a difference to what we can do for you, or won't be the full picture a month from now, so maybe if we tell you this, you will finally aquiesce to the chemo and get this scan thing out of your head and we can feel like we did our jobs. Maybe they are right, maybe I should just stick my arm out for one round of the chemo, just so THEY can sleep better at night. Save my $$ and go to India and Brazil and stop being so difficult. Well, at least more tan....
So let me get this correct Stiff Cancer People of my Imagination, you are freaking me out or rather into doing chemotherapy because "God forbid it spreads"(they all say this expression, it must be in the handbook) but you don't want to check to see if it really has? The logic on this one is beyond my meager mind, forgive me. I don't wear neck ties. Even though my doctor ordered it. Hmmm.
Finally after a few months, I thought, damn, you know I would just like to sleep better at night, knowing I did everything I could to make sure that I checked all the possibilities. So I called up my trusty Nurse Denise, who works along side the arrogant and brilliant english surgeon, born and raised in Brooklyn, sweet as pie lady, who I have chatted with very honestly on many occasions. Denise cares. You can feel it. And the brooklyn accent just makes the whole experience even better. Denise, got back to me right away, only to tell me the doctor was on vacation and she had to wait till he got back. Doctors take vacations?
When she did get back to me, she had this to say:: "Would it change your treatment choices? (i.e would you finally just DO the chemotherapy) Because it doesn't make any sense to do the scan dear, because even if you find something, it will be a stage 4 and there would be nothing we could do for you. At that point it would be too far gone. The doctor just wants you to be aware that just because you do the scan it doesn't necessarily give you a clean bill of health. You could do another one in a month and find something, there is just no way of knowing.
So what you are telling me is that I shouldn't do the scan??? I should just sit around and HOPE that it hasn't spread and save my money? Because even if you find something there is nothing you can do so ignorance is rather a nice way out of this mess? "Isn't it better to know" I ask Denise, "I mean if something is there, isn't it advisable that I would know about it at the very least?? Is this new logic in the medical world, or has sticking your head in the sand become the preferred way to treat people....."Dont worry about it, get back to your job and life, best we just let nature run its course. As if a stage 4 is incurable, even if it was what I had, do you not read the countless cases of spontaneous healings, alternative healings with stage 4 and worse? No, I know you don't but I do. So fuck, do I spend $5,000 on a scan that is only going to tell me that I have such an advanced case of cancer the medical world just gives up on you, and which may tell me things are great today but in a month it all could change and I will have to be doing $5,000 scans the rest of my life, severely preventing that much desired trip to Costa Rica, India and Brazil and that tan that NYC has proved impossible to attain.
"Well maybe you just want to do the chemotherapy so you know you really got everything"....This is what is implied....We are happy to order the scan for you, but we want to further scare you that whatever it finds either won't make a difference to what we can do for you, or won't be the full picture a month from now, so maybe if we tell you this, you will finally aquiesce to the chemo and get this scan thing out of your head and we can feel like we did our jobs. Maybe they are right, maybe I should just stick my arm out for one round of the chemo, just so THEY can sleep better at night. Save my $$ and go to India and Brazil and stop being so difficult. Well, at least more tan....
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