Well now that Chemo has been taken off the list....now what? Many people have asked me this, with a bit of a look of bewilderment in their eyes....so no chemo? And....now what...? Now what I ask myself.
Well there is the physical reality, such as herbs and supplements. I think in another post I will list them all. To think of them all makes me dizzy...In fact right now writing this I realize I need to order about 10 more, because I am running low. So there is that. Herbs, supplements and more hard core therapies like Vit C IV, Avemar (an immune booster) and soon Mistletoe Extract. Mushrooms (not the psychedlic ones-yet). Liquid this and liquid that...all the things for my smoothies...maca. bee pollen, flax, spirulina, berries, green powder. I eat mostly raw, lots of greens, smoothies, green juices...its boring. An indulgence is natural potato chips in olive oil and almond butter. Pms is brutal....all I want is veganaise. Its pathetic. Sometimes I am so tempted to just order a bagel with Tuna salad and swiss cheese-my favorite comfort food, and I wonder...Really? Will this one meal really impact me that much? But then who wants to find out down the line sometime......thats the rattle in the head. And I go to my standard avocado on rice cakes....big splurge! I am not supposed to do rice to much if at all and limit my fats. With fat in the blood the oxygen can't get in and thats what we want to make the cancer go away. Oxygen...muy.
Yes I have a Holistic Doctor. He is jewish, he wears a suit and tie, he folds his hands neatly on his desk, he seems to be talking to something "out there" because he rarely looks at me and when he does his eyes are very penetrating. But the flicker a bit when I meet his gaze undisturbed...no doctor is every going to intimidate me again and I let them know with one look "listen buddy, I am just as smart as you and I may not have been to medical school, but I got an intuition that will bite you, so just simmer your Mr. Hotpants Brainiac down". So far its working... He has a new daughter and her picture is on the desk and I pointed to it and said,,,ah so is this your daughter, to which he replied with a smile....Everybody has that soft spot for their kids. That was our one heart to heart. After that he was back to business. He wears a yamulke ....no idea if I spelled that right.
I go in 1-2 times a week and they pump vit C in me and its cold and I read Alex Grey's Transfigurations which sits on the table and watch all the interesting sick people come in. The other day I watched a 5 year old get held down by 3 adults for some shots. Its live action in this place...They lay me out on this nice leather lazy boy where the bottom comes up for the feet? And I just pretend God's breath is being shot into my veins and that Alex Grey is speaking to me thru his visions. I think this all might be true. The other day a very annoying guy with dyed hair was sitting across from me, very obviously agitated by the nurse not being there yet, and very much wanting somebody to know he was agitated and I had so much fun, pretending I was so absorbed in my book, I hadn't noticed. Just letting his agitation arise from not getting the attention that he wanted....I kind of was absorbed in the book, this Alex Grey has some good stuff to say. Then when the guy was like borderline ridiculous, jumping out of his chair every 3 seconds looking for the nurse thru the plexiglass, I looked up from my book at the guy and said "Why dont you just go and find her?" to which this seemed to be the okay for him...it was like I had released him from his little prison...its okay to be agitated dude, do something about it already. Jeesh. I am trying to let God in here please...thank you. He kept whipping out this little brush and combing his dyed hair too, it was really weird. Nervous tick or something...Grace is the nurse and she is the best thing about the place. I am sure she works way to hard.
But besides this....what else am I doing?
Well there is the physical reality, such as herbs and supplements. I think in another post I will list them all. To think of them all makes me dizzy...In fact right now writing this I realize I need to order about 10 more, because I am running low. So there is that. Herbs, supplements and more hard core therapies like Vit C IV, Avemar (an immune booster) and soon Mistletoe Extract. Mushrooms (not the psychedlic ones-yet). Liquid this and liquid that...all the things for my smoothies...maca. bee pollen, flax, spirulina, berries, green powder. I eat mostly raw, lots of greens, smoothies, green juices...its boring. An indulgence is natural potato chips in olive oil and almond butter. Pms is brutal....all I want is veganaise. Its pathetic. Sometimes I am so tempted to just order a bagel with Tuna salad and swiss cheese-my favorite comfort food, and I wonder...Really? Will this one meal really impact me that much? But then who wants to find out down the line sometime......thats the rattle in the head. And I go to my standard avocado on rice cakes....big splurge! I am not supposed to do rice to much if at all and limit my fats. With fat in the blood the oxygen can't get in and thats what we want to make the cancer go away. Oxygen...muy.
Yes I have a Holistic Doctor. He is jewish, he wears a suit and tie, he folds his hands neatly on his desk, he seems to be talking to something "out there" because he rarely looks at me and when he does his eyes are very penetrating. But the flicker a bit when I meet his gaze undisturbed...no doctor is every going to intimidate me again and I let them know with one look "listen buddy, I am just as smart as you and I may not have been to medical school, but I got an intuition that will bite you, so just simmer your Mr. Hotpants Brainiac down". So far its working... He has a new daughter and her picture is on the desk and I pointed to it and said,,,ah so is this your daughter, to which he replied with a smile....Everybody has that soft spot for their kids. That was our one heart to heart. After that he was back to business. He wears a yamulke ....no idea if I spelled that right.
I go in 1-2 times a week and they pump vit C in me and its cold and I read Alex Grey's Transfigurations which sits on the table and watch all the interesting sick people come in. The other day I watched a 5 year old get held down by 3 adults for some shots. Its live action in this place...They lay me out on this nice leather lazy boy where the bottom comes up for the feet? And I just pretend God's breath is being shot into my veins and that Alex Grey is speaking to me thru his visions. I think this all might be true. The other day a very annoying guy with dyed hair was sitting across from me, very obviously agitated by the nurse not being there yet, and very much wanting somebody to know he was agitated and I had so much fun, pretending I was so absorbed in my book, I hadn't noticed. Just letting his agitation arise from not getting the attention that he wanted....I kind of was absorbed in the book, this Alex Grey has some good stuff to say. Then when the guy was like borderline ridiculous, jumping out of his chair every 3 seconds looking for the nurse thru the plexiglass, I looked up from my book at the guy and said "Why dont you just go and find her?" to which this seemed to be the okay for him...it was like I had released him from his little prison...its okay to be agitated dude, do something about it already. Jeesh. I am trying to let God in here please...thank you. He kept whipping out this little brush and combing his dyed hair too, it was really weird. Nervous tick or something...Grace is the nurse and she is the best thing about the place. I am sure she works way to hard.
But besides this....what else am I doing?
No comments:
Post a Comment